My untold feel

You know,since my mom’s passed away,my life also changes,I meant not my life like generally but overall life including my physical,my feel,and soul ,maybe.You know,something is missing and the pieces i never can put it back and forever missing and gone. Like,leaving a big hole because this missing piece and i have to bring this hole going everywhere and life with me together. life is such like a trade,what you give always you have get something new as a return,like a bargain,something gone and you get something come for you,like this kinda lossing,I'm loss my mom’s and i got this hole stay with me ,consequences of lost. 

I always said,me,just like a quite lake,people,everything around look that's lake is same,days by days just a same lake,the water keep flowing and the colors is same,always reflecting what the sky show up,gloomy days or sunny days,the same quites.But,nobody know about what has changing inside the lake,behind or below the surface,something has changing and the lake actually is not same anymore with before.People just not aware about this.The rhythm has changed,you have to look deep inside the lake and stay long to keep watching and feel that's,not with your eyes,but using your sensitivity feel to look,maybe you can find it,it's also not guaranteed. 

I'm trying understanding about life matter,about destiny,about the every path we have to going through . I'm trying to understanding about disappointed of life,I'm trying to understanding about the sadness,about painful feeling,about injustice fate for some people must to be face. You know ,you can’t change the fact ,maybe you can change your fate,i think,by the choices you choice before,but some of fate you can’t change,whatever happening ,we learn make friends with reality and life togetherness with it,you can’t deal with them,they never giving your choice to deal,to negotiate,whatever you got,you should to accepting,that’s the fact. 

When I close my eyes,sometime i thinking about mom’s, i am like digging back all the memories and walking back the path of the memories,until so clear for every moment we ever throughout,the feel,the smell,everything.You know,when someone’s is gone,the only things you still keep to hold is memories,the most valuable things in your heart.Parents especially a mother for me like a relationship between root and body of tree,each other keep connecting and keep sharing the food and nutrition,for human it’s maybe we call “love,kindness,affection “,the strong root will make the good healthy body of the tree,without one of them,everything will be changed,the balance is disturbing,some can renewal and get stronger more then before,some maybe can’t. 

I love you mom’s,I already reached one of our dreams but you already gone.The things who make me sad is ,I can’t share the feel of achievement with you,when we try to reach it’s together and in the middle ways,you gone.The paradox of life,isn't?